Our Philosophy
On Conflict
Conflict, stress, or tension may be inevitable aspects of relationships, teams, or community structures, but they need not be negative. In fact, we believe that conflict is evidence of shared passion: when family members, friends, coworkers, or even political bodies disagree so strongly as to reach an argument, inflamed feelings, or impasse, there is an underlying unspoken truth that they fight because they care. Inherent in this commonality are the tools needed to find paths towards empathy and greater understanding of each other and the issue(s) at hand. (For a deeper dive, see Ken Cloke’s 10 Philosophical Propositions of Conflict Resolution and Conflict as Opportunity in Additional Resources.)
But shared passions and empathetic perspectives are lofty ideals, and not easily reached from within the trenches of argument. In fact, they are often inaccessible altogether by the people involved for many reasons. Here are a few:
Stress and tension cause proven physiological responses that lead to blocks in dialogue. (For an in-depth discussion of the science behind this phenomenon, see Additional Resources.)
People involved in a problem are often too close to it, are imbued too deeply within its structures, or have such highly personal stakes in specific outcomes, that they cannot envision broader contexts or interrelated issues; ironically, context and interrelation are the most effective entry points for producing breakthrough creative solutions.
Conflict often occurs in relationships or between communities that have strong feelings towards one another, and without the proper tools (or desire) to regulate emotions in the interest of problem-solving, participants can become too upset or myopic to engage creatively or productively.
That said, we are not problem solvers, we are facilitators. The distinction is important: we have the tools and expertise to guide you and your family members, friends, relatives, teammates, whoever they may be, out of the trenches to levels of growth and awareness needed for true autonomy, empathy, and creative problem-solving capacity.
On Grief
Grief shines a harsh spotlight on families, sometimes revealing cracks, and sometimes causing deeper shadows. A conflict may be loud and extreme, but it may also go unseen; it may manifest as one family member yielding to another to select an urn; it may look like a sibling assuming all financial obligations out of a sense of duty; it may show up magnified in an imbalanced trust or estate plan; it may be hiding beneath a skipped medication, an accident with blame; it may sit silently for years, while slowly undoing a relationship from the inside.
Even the smallest disagreement within a grieving family strikes a fragile surface; Compassionate Conflicts accepts all and rejects none. Future relationships are at stake.
~ Anna Stoefen
Executive Director, Facilitator